Sometimes, you just feel like want to give up everything and do nothing. You want to run away and hide at some place. 

I believe every teenagers have been feel like this before, now and after. No matter when. Yes, I feel that too. It's our nature as a teenagers. We all are desperate to be free and wanting to do what we want and what we think is right for our own good. But then I realize, if I give up everything now and run away just to have that so called 'A Freedom Life' , I am such a failure then. I will regret it for the rest of my life. Yes, for sure. Who doesn't? Right? I'm talking about future now. If I give up right now, what will my future to be like? You can imagine it, so do I. So...what am I going to do now? What I have to do to prevent from being such a failure for the rest of my life? Because, back then I almost give up everything. The life I have been through are really difficult and it is really killing me. I have been force to do a very cruel decision for myself. But I'm glad someone has stop me from doing it. I realize I'm not being good and can't satisfied everyone. I know I'm not really trying my best. I'm doing that because, when everyone tend to scold me, it really pisses me off and I will end up do nothing just to let them feel the same way as I do. Then, we end up fighting. Everyday, every hours, every minutes and every seconds. EVERY TIMES until I feel like

"Can I run away from this house?"

"Can I run away from this life?"

"Can I run away and hide from this world?"

I am really tired for all of this. Give me some break people. I'm not a robot. I'm not a doll. I'm a human. I have a feelings. I make a mistake and I regret it. I seek for an apologize yet you keep scolding me. Even though I'm not showing my sadness but could you please understand me for a bit? *sigh* I guess not.

I should do better in my studies. If my grades are good, I can go far far away to further study..Maybe? Who knows right? I wish I can go to Japan. A very beautiful country.. Not a city but a countryside home. I wish to live in countryside that surround by a nature. Living a peaceful life. It's a perfect place for a people like me. Because being attached to people is hurting me yet killing me. They tend to hurt me and leave a deep scar inside me. So I should distance myself from them. That should be enough. A very wise decision.